What I Discovered About My Personality Type

Hey guys!  I thought I’d share a little self-discovery with you all, especially since I think there are probably more than a few of you in the same situation as me.  🙂

Throughout my life, I have dealt with a lot of things about me that set me apart from my classmates or made me feel super insecure about myself.  Let me give you some examples.  In 4th grade, I was inconsolable in school when I got my first F on an assignment (Perfectionism).  In middle school, I’d cry if a teacher miscounted papers for a row and I was left out (High sensitivity).  Even up to my current job, I’ve been told that I’m quiet and occasionally asked why I don’t speak up more (Introversion).  I knew I was different.  I knew that no one knew how to handle me when I broke out into tears over something seemingly normal.  I ended up telling myself a lot of crap in order to train myself out of some of it.  (“Don’t cry, you’ll look like an idiot.”  “Ok, so you got a B- on that assignment.  When it’s all factored together, it won’t matter more than maybe a percentage point or two.”  “Say something…NOW…nope, you missed your opening.  Great going.  Now they’re going to think you’re an idiot.”)

It royally sucked.  I really struggled throughout school to stop telling myself these stupid little things.  Eventually, I outgrew crying at the drop of a hat, but now whenever I feel like I want to cry, I have to tell myself that it’s ok to let it out.  I’m not as harsh of a perfectionist anymore, but I still completely freak if I’m just average/below average at something.  And I still can’t always get up the nerve to talk in meetings, even if there are only six of us in the room.

I’m 25 years old.  I thought that by now, I’d more or less figured myself out.  I hadn’t.

Over the summer, my friend posted on Facebook the results of her Myers-Briggs Personality test.  I’d done that test before, but I couldn’t remember what my results were.  So I thought I’d try it again.

My result?  INFJ or “The Advocate” 

xinfjwordle-pagespeed-ic-rjlkuqm0ma(Factoid: apparently this is the same personality type as Remus Lupin.  I knew he was one of my favorites for a reason.  I just thought it was the chocolate.)

And it was scary accurate.  I always knew I was introverted (hello, I never went anywhere without a book and couldn’t speak up in a crowd), but some of the other things surprised me.  But what really freaked me out were some of the descriptions used to describe those with INFJ personalities were the exact same words I’d used to describe myself.  (“introverted extrovert” and  “emotional sponge”)

I discovered a lot about myself.  I learned that INFJ’s are the rarest personality type in the world and that they are a walking contradiction.  They are usually feelers, but can completely shut off those feelings and be thinkers.  They are usually introverted but can be extroverted when the mood strikes.  They like to help people but also need that time alone to recharge.  (I was having serious test anxiety when I started changing my answers halfway through the test, but apparently I played right into my type!)

1b6bc8b06ea7deccb94c9ac9598243a7But most of all, I learned that I wasn’t alone.  There were other people in the world who were also struggling with perfectionism, high sensitivity, and introversion all rolled into one.  I learned I wasn’t alone when it came to struggling to find a relationship that worked for me.  (INFJs can’t do casual relationships and we judge very quickly whether or not we think you’re “the one”.)  I learned I wasn’t the only person who absorbed emotions like a sponge from the people around me and retreated far far away from any conflict.

My newfound acceptance of myself has also been helped a lot by a new guy who has roared into my life.  His personality type, INTP (yes, I made him take the test as well and he had a similar revelation about himself) works really well with mine.  He’s practically a borderline introvert/extrovert, so he understands why I need my own time and why I’m sometimes quiet, but he also helps draw me out of my shell.  He’s creative, like I am, and likes to help others, like me.  He’s enthusiastic, which also helps draw emotions out of me when I’d rather stay bottled up.  Even his weaknesses, like the fact that he constantly second guesses himself, plays well into my strengths of wanting to help people.  It’s just really funny that we figured this all out so early on because we understand each other on a deeper level, especially when we send each other links saying, “This is so me!”

Something else that’s helped me is this website called Introvert, Dear.  In addition to having articles written by introverts for introverts, it also breaks down personality types, high sensitivity, and anxiety.  It’s a phenomenal website that has made me feel so much less alone and given me a greater appreciation for me being myself.  Like now, I have great comebacks when someone asks why I’m so quiet.  And I don’t feel as bad asking for space when I need it.

infjherculessyndromeTruly, if you haven’t found your personality type yet, I think you should try it.  It’s been a process, but you don’t understand how much better you’ll feel until you suddenly realize that out there are people going through exactly what you’re experiencing.  If the results from one test don’t seem to fit you (like my boyfriend’s first test), take a different one.  Take 3 or 4.  There are tons of free ones on the internet.  Find out who you are and embrace it.  It may not be the results you thought you were going to get, but that’s ok.  Have some fun with it!  Sure, maybe not every single bullet point sounds like you, but as long as the majority is you, it’s working.

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11 thoughts on “What I Discovered About My Personality Type

  1. Thanks a lot for this post. It made me feel like there’s hope for people like me. I’m really glad you learned about who you are more and that you aren’t alone. I feel the same way about crying. I’m experiencing something normal and I just feel so overwhelmed and my eyes get misty and I start crying, I also tell myself that I’m a strong mature person and that I shouldn’t cry like that in public but that just usually made me cry even more. I always knew I was introverted but I think I take it to a whole new level because I can NOT talk to people at all, I need to prepare myself mentally days before I get the courage to talk! In school whenever I see that someone beat me at something educationalIy, I’d beat myself up then cry about it then beat myself up for crying! I do have a couple of friends in school but I never feel like I deserve them as friends and I’m so awkward around even my closest friends and I HATE that about me. Anyways sorry if I bothered you with my problems. 😉 I’ll try the quiz now and hope that it helps me discover who I am more!

    • YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Most of your comment here was almost EXACTLY what I went through, especially beating yourself up for crying. Me, in a nutshell. Truly, I think part of the problem with us introverts is that we don’t see all those extroverts dealing with the same problems as us, so we think we’re the odd ducks, but there are others out there! It gets better, I promise. 🙂 You may still be introverted, sensitive, and awkward, but what’s wrong with that? I love awkward! It feels more real to me. I’m just so glad that this resonated with you! I was hoping that even just one person would be able to take something away from this, and I’m just thankful I was articulate enough to get my point across! ❤ ❤

      • Oh seriously! Well I’m glad that I’m actually not the only one suffering from crippling social awkwardness. Extroverts having problems talking to people? Maybe. I haven’t noticed that but who knows they might be just better at hiding it than I am. I hope it does get better for all who are like us and that the way we are regarded by others changes! I guess it’s not so bad, but it still feels like I’m a loser at times.. But yeah I agree! When I’m awkward I can’t help but show my real self to people whether I want it or not. Well I’m glad I found others who went through the same thing that I’m going through, it’s a little hard to open up to others but since you posted about how I feel, I thought:oh cool someone I could relate to! Oh you definitely got my hopes up for myself and the future! Anyways I’m sorry for making you my therapist 😅! But it was vastly uplifting to talk to you, it really helped boost my self-confidence.

      • Hey, I don’t mind. 🙂 I’m the type of person who enjoys pouring my innermost feelings on unsuspecting people, so you’re fine. I’m just really glad that this helped. One of my friends and fellow teachers has serious introversion to the point where she leaves rooms/meetings/parties without saying goodbye and doesn’t speak to anyone but those that she knows. And she’s in her 40s! I think once you connect with other introverts, it really helps to see how they handle life to give you a model of how you can live. We’re all different and sometimes it just takes a little while to remember that.

      • Apparently I’m that kind of person too 😜! I’m really glad there’s such nice people in the world who would share their problems and help others with theirs! Your friend sounds like me in a few years! I never talk to anyone and even if I know them I might hesitate to talk or even say hi. Sometimes I feel like my shyness borders on rudeness. Yeah it really really helps when I see other introverts who are exactly like me and look at how they’re coping. Until then I’ll be trying to figure it out myself and use my several coping mechanisms. 😉

  2. A therapist had me take the test last summer and it was a lot of “wow, so that explains it!” I love introverts, am highly protective of them (especially you feelers), and always liked to consider myself one because I consider them more intelligent and more interesting. But no, I’m an ENTJ which, it turns out, accounts for my high need for competence, why I so often seek out company, my conceptual thinking, even my attraction to intelligence in men, LOL. The human mind is amazing.

    • That’s so cool! I just think it’s so incredibly fascinating that this type of test even exists and that they’re so amazingly accurate! Like seriously, how do these tests know more about us than we know about ourselves? But I guess our views are distorted from our experiences.

  3. I’m also an INFJ (did you know that INFJ is the rarest of the Myers-Briggs types?)! I think knowing one’s personality type is so vital to understanding others, yourself, and the way that others perceive you. I went to a teensy tiny college where being an extrovert was rewarded and being an introvert was not. With everything else that comes with being an INFJ (being sensitive towards others and a “perfectionist” and so on), college was hard and understanding personality types was vital.

    I love talking about Myers-Briggs with anyone. I love when people find out that people are different because there are definitely those out there who think that being different (being an introvert) is wrong. Also, I have a degree in Psychology so talking about this stuff is my favorite thing.

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